My Cancer Journal

Cotto

hunterseeker — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 15:36:33 +0000

025

Elida

My Love

hunterseeker — Fri, 01 Jan 2010 15:49:38 +0000

“ I’m all alone” I saw this in an advertisement and immediately thought of my wife and a sadness overcame me. I know that she will eventually over come the whole thing, she has gone through several death’s in her family. It is not of that part that I speak of but of the love that has bound us together. How will she deal with that void, the solitude, the emptiness. The mere thought of it is enough to bring me to tears. I don’t want to leave my love yet I am powerless to change things. There is nothing that I can do. I could yell, scream, bitch, cry and it won’t change anything.

To comfort each other at this time is all I can do. To share the time that is left to us. To continue our love till it slips into eternity. There it shall merge as one and continue throughout eternity. Till we meet again my love, till we meet again.

My Goal

hunterseeker — Thu, 31 Dec 2009 13:54:13 +0000

My goal is to make it to 2011 and beyond. I don’t know if this is a realistic outlook especially since I am under hospice care. I am no expert in the field but from what I have been able to find out hospice care is an end of life move, Here it is from a health care provider:

When a patient’s health care team determines that the cancer can no longer be controlled, medical testing and cancer treatment often stop.

I know a lot of people lie at this stage and come up with all sorts of optimistic advice meant to provide hope. Personally I think that is wrong. It might sound insensitive but I would prefer the truth and then take it from there. My instincts and observations made it clear that the truth was not being told regarding my chemo treatment or the cancer itself. Now the energy that was spent on following an optimistic outlook has been wasted, not that I was expecting a miraculous solution but it was time wasted, time that I don’t have. I think there were only two doctors that had the balls to tell me out front that I had cancer and it was not curable. Obviously they were not going to make any predictions as to the time left to me and I am thankful for that since it would be speculative.

Now I have to start thinking of that visit from JOE BLACK….

Christmas With Hunterseeker 2009

hunterseeker — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 23:56:36 +0000

Christmas With Hunterseeker 2009

My brother and sister surprised me by coming down to the island

Yes I did see this when your sister posted it in the group. I was mostly touched when I saw your wife. It made me think how she will cope once she’s alone. I know she will but when you have a love like yours, it is so difficult to pick up the pieces and move on. I don’t know her personally but she too can count on me if she ever needs support.
I was thinking, is there anyway that you can take photos of your artwork and display them on your website or share them with us? Just would love to see what you’ve been working on.

From a Dear Friend

hunterseeker — Sat, 26 Dec 2009 10:53:39 +0000

For Hunterseeker Hello my friends.

Hunterseeker is feeling a little better. He is not resisting tests or therapy. However, they will be giving him a stronger Chemo that has potential of death. At this point his condition is stable but could change for the worse at any time. The chemo is a chance to hopefully stop the seizures. Nothing is guaranteed. He is a strong willed and physically strong person. My brother Carlos will be going to him tonight and we are trying to contact his son that is in the Navy. His younger son will also be going to him. Please continue to pray for Hunterseeker.

Thank you all for your well wishes and prayers.
Rosebud I read your note this morning and its with a heavy heart and tears in my eyes that I write this note.

To our Somos Family: Sadly, Rosebud informed me that the doctors decided not to treat Hunter with Chemo any longer. He will be released and sent home as a hospice patient on Friday. They will treat him with medication so that he doesn’t suffer.

My heart is so heavy right now and words can’t describe how I feel. Yes let us continue to pray especially for Hunter’s wife, family and beautiful sister Rosebud who is a member of this group.

Please do tell him that we are rooting for him and praying for God to be merciful. I also pray for the miracles of God. Tell him I love him and that he is one of those people who left a big footprint in my heart in the short time that I’ve known him.

We are here if you need us my sister.
I continue holding your brother and your family in prayer Rosebud. I have been through what you are going thru. But, your brother is strong and a fighter. Miracles do happen!
Horrible news for someone so talented and bright! I am very sad to hear this! My thoughts and prayers are on Hunterseeker and his family. Amigo if you read this know that you have contributed so much! We care for you and your family. Even though it was only through the internet I have come to feel that I know you and appreciate your humor, art and to love you and your family.
Abrazos

The Doctor Speak’s

hunterseeker — Fri, 25 Dec 2009 00:36:09 +0000

I had my appointment with the doctor yesterday where she began to explain what hospice care is. She asked if I knew what it is and I immediately responded by pointing out what this appointment was all about. I told her that the time had come to discontinue aggressive chemo therapy and start providing me with morphine for the on coming pain from the advancing cancer. Like any doctor she would not guess at the time left to me, it could be a week or a month or a year. What I do know is that now I have to deal with a very strong pain on a daily basis, there will not be any more chemo, and no more aggressive medical therapy, just pain medication of varying strength. This does not mean that I am giving up! By no means. Now a different battle begins. We all know the final outcome, what we don’t know is the time allowed!!! The quality of that time is the important issue. How and with whom I spend my time will be of up most importance. Obviously the Mrs. and I will be getting a lot closer, If that is possible.

Right now I am living a very guarded life in which the Mrs. watches my every move and attempts to guard against any possible falls which is the main concern apart from the onset of the convulsions themselves. As far as convulsions are concerned, apart from taking the medication there is nothing else that can be done. Convulsions have a sneaky way of popping up and creating havoc. I know that when I go through one I have no memory whatsoever of the event, and it is the Mrs. who must recount the event to me. What she told me of this last episode was a horror story in the way in which my body reacted. She told me of how a foam gather around my mouth and how my eyes rolled back into my head and my body shook violently.

What the next developments are is any body‘s guess. I am new to all of this and like everybody else have to look up the numbers. For now I can only relate the events as they take place.
Before I forget, let me wish every one a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

The Pain Has Returned

hunterseeker — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 15:21:11 +0000

For the past couple of days I have been experiencing a resurgence of pain in my left lung region. Last night was the worse so far. It woke me around 1 a.m. I got up and turned on the PC to take my mind off of it and after a while I went back to bed. Shortly after that the pain began again and it got stronger. On a scale of 1-10 it was around 4 though it would serge up to a 7 or 8 momentarily. This went on for a while and I finally rolled over and woke the Mrs. Which I did not want to do. Right away she held me to comfort me and got out the ointments to rub on my chest. This helped a little bit. The pain continued the same pattern the rest of the morning. By day break I got up and started checking on the PC and discovered that this was a common situation with lung cancer patients. The causes were quite a few ranging from the cancer itself to emotional reasons. I guess that I am going to have to go to the doctor and discuss the matter. It is 11:15 a.m. Tuesday Dec. 8, 2009, and I am still feeling the pain though not as strong.

Nothing to report

hunterseeker — Sat, 05 Dec 2009 10:14:44 +0000

I will probably have nothing to report until January 5 when I am due to see the doctor. Those who know me and see me say I look fine. I feel fine though I am still have bouts of sleepiness. I did get out to attend a fair though it was a disaster money wise. Well we’ll see what the next one brings.

Now The Wait Begins

hunterseeker — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 23:09:41 +0000

Well the chemo is behind me as is the filgrastim and the early morning rush through the dark to be able to get a parking spot. Now the wait begins. Today was the last exam of an MRI and Monday was the CT Scan. Now we wait for the doctors appointment to make some final decisions. I must say of the two exams I had this week the MRI was the more elaborate one not to mention noisy. I had to wear ear plugs to guard against the noise and even with that it was a racket. Towards the end of the exam I was injected with a fluid that caused a burning sensation going in. The technician was very good at his job and explained each step of the process and told me what to expect. All in all it was a long tiring day as we had to get our invitation for the Plaza Las America Fair and that had to be before the hospital appointment. By the time we finished at the MRI clinic it was already after 4P.M. and grid lock down here is as bad as in New York!!!
Now we take two days break then go to the next fair in Santurce and hopefully make a few bucks.
Hunterseeker

CT Scan

hunterseeker — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 09:36:05 +0000

Well I had the CT scan they had me scheduled for. In this case I was injected with some chemical probably to improve imaging. On the 2nd of Dec, I have the MRI. The last person I will be seeing is the doctor and I take it that is where decisions will be made.